Welcome to Penji Kenya where you can ask questions and receive answers from other members of the community
+4 votes
asked in Relationship and Love by
We have been dating for a 7 months now and recently we both got employed but now we are experiencing communication breakdown.  Coz apparently she claims that I dont communicate like I used to but sometimes I get from work exhausted and just wanna rest. It this normal and how can we work it out?

3 Answers

0 votes
answered by
According to your case, the problem is time but you should also understand that you need to create time for someone if you truly love them. While you are coming from work tired spending 5-10 minutes chatting or talking on phone should'nt be a big deal. You can also agree on the right time to communicate when both of you are free, calm and not distracted or stressed. If you are both busy then scheduling a talk time isnt a bad idea. those are just my thoughts
0 votes
answered by
I think the need to talk to your partner should always come naturally out of love. I think you should ask yourself if you still love her and then you will find yourself creating time to talk to her no matter how busy you are.
+3 votes
answered by (510 points)

Hi, sure this is a normal problem in relationships you can work out your communication issues. I have written an article on some of the ways you can work things out. Take a read.

Listening actively

Everyone wants to feel that they are being heard and understood otherwise you can easily disconnect when you feel that your partner is not paying attention to what you are saying. Needless to say, if you want to be heard then you should also be ready to listen. Listening does not only mean nodding but making sure you understand what your partner is saying. You can assure your partner that your are actually understanding by repeating or saying a word that captures what is being said. Active listening can also mean interrupting them to ask for clarification. If you disagree with what they are saying then it’s a good practice to wait until they finish and then express your disagreement.

Talk about small things or daily experiences

Sharing your experiences is one of the best ways to rekindle a broken communication. By sharing the small things you experience at work or any other social areas you feel closer to each other. In relationships or marriages there are serious matters but it’s the insignificant experiences shared with each other that makes you feel attached to one another.  The cause of many breakups is lack of communication which starts when one or both of you become busy for each other. However, it happens that when you become too busy for your partner they tend to lean towards a third party who seems to pay attention or show concern. This can be a workmate, a friend or schoolmate and that’s when cheating begins. However, when sharing with your partner try to avoid bringing up moments that may trigger further discord.

Stay positive in your conversations

Positivity is key in nurturing communication with your partner. By positivity I mean having a positive attitude that you will find a solution to your problem. For example, you have been fighting over something and then you go online and find those negative advices saying that when she starts behaving like this just forget about her. You then immediately develop a negative mindset based on the information you found online. When the time comes to solve your issues you approach a problem with an already determined outcome in your mind. As a result to you end up having a negative conversation and communication thus triggering further discord. Therefore, in order to improve communication with a partner you have to develop a positive attitude towards your problems to encourage positive conversation.

Prepare your partner for any changes in your program or schedules

Relationships don’t just revolve around you two but they are influenced by other external forces like your family members, friends and work. These forces have both positive and negative influence in your relationship and should always be taken into account. Most often than not work plays an important role in our lives as a source of income. However, demanding work is, it is always advisable to find a reasonable balance between the two. Preparing a partner thus comes in in occasions where work becomes demanding or challenging as far as your relationship is concerned. In cases such as those that involve you relocating or being away for a certain amount of time, it is important that you prepare your partner. Just say I may be having a tight schedule this week or I will be out of town this week for work and I may not be available physically or on phone. This way the partner will understand a change in communication pattern or rather your program. However, without preparation a partner can easily assume that you are ignoring them and that marks the begging of communication breakdown.

Respond to your partner when they reach out

Responding to your partner when they try to reach out is vital to boosting your communication. However, show of disinterest draws you further apart. Psychologists say that one is likely to be attached to someone who acknowledges or responds to them when they try to seek their attention because it indicates that they can meet your emotional needs. Relationships are generally emotional and meeting each other’s emotional needs is key to keeping it going. People can reach out through conversation, play, support, affection, or affirmation. A partner may try to reach out by suggesting a play, asking for your interests or rather just starting a conversation. You should show interest by responding either through engaging them in a conversation or a play. By so doing you are meeting their emotional needs hence triggering further engagement and affection.

Better timing

It is always advisable to solve your issues before going to bed to avoid accumulating or carrying forward the frustrations. However, it is also important pick the best time to discuss each problem. For example, you have big problem about your relationship that needs proper discussion and you pick early in the morning when a partner is preparing to leave for work. Of course there will not be enough time to discuss the issues and this may result in frustrations that may affect your relationship. Similarly, you cannot bring up small problems at the time your partner is stressing about big issues. Either they are likely to ignore or accuse you of being petty. Therefore, it is important to know when it is the right time to bring up an issue.

Compliment each other

Appreciating or complimenting your partner helps nurture the affection between you. After dating for a year or two, partners tend to get too comfortable with each other to an extent that they fail to notice the nice little things about each other. This is also common among married couples who get comfortable with each other after staying together for a couple of years. However, becoming complacent about the little efforts of your partner to make you happy breeds resentment with time. When a partner feels that their efforts are not being appreciated they tend to stop or look for appreciation somewhere else. Therefore, to improve your communication and draw closer to each other you need to keep pointing out what you love about each other. This can include their deeds, habits, or physical appearance. You should show them that you truly appreciate their presence in your life.

Welcome to PENJI Kenya, where you can ask any questions about public service, business, academics, relationship, parenting & family, and health among others and receive answers from other members of the community.
...